Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Noted.

I think that blogging is a difficult thing for me. It often defeats me. How can I summarize this new life--"learning Las Vegas". I guess I need to check my expectations. I cannot make you understand what it is to live my life day in and out, but I can inform you of the major happenings in the balmy southwest.

My classroom has changed significantly since losing a student over my track break. I never thought that I would be a person who joyfully signs withdrawal papers, but apparently I make exceptions. EN leaving was still melancholy. I don't know what will happen with him, I hope that one day he will be able to forgive his mother, understand what his father is and build a life on his intelligence and charisma. At this point that is all that I can give him. Sometimes, I feel like that's all I can do for my students, merely hope for the best. Teaching can be rewarding--whenever I see my students finally understand a concept--but I have found a great portion of it to be unsatisfying. There is nothing tangible at the end of a days work. I can hold a collection of worksheets, but in the end what do those really represent? Oh! to be a surgeon or carpenter or engineer.

If pressed I would say that progress is being made. Since EN left AS has decided to mellow out, mildly, but all the same he is trying. I just wish that I could do more for these kids. Unapologetically, I realize I am writing in circles. If nothing else I am discovering my present limits in my ability which, of course, drives me nuts to have to tell myself that I can't accomplish something. I'll show me?

I think this season of my life is all about learning my person limitations and not getting frustrated by what I can't do, but finding what I can do. What is it that God has for me, truly? Let me know if you've found a shortcut to that answer.

a

Oh, yeah. Happy Valentine's Day.

1 comment:

Marlene said...

Hi Gator

Just wanted to say hello. I still have your dvd and you socks, which I found in the bottom of my bed. We are so much alike. Go to bed with cold feets, and then we have to set those tootsies free to enjoy the sheets.

Auntie M