I think that blogging is a difficult thing for me. It often defeats me. How can I summarize this new life--"learning Las Vegas". I guess I need to check my expectations. I cannot make you understand what it is to live my life day in and out, but I can inform you of the major happenings in the balmy southwest.
My classroom has changed significantly since losing a student over my track break. I never thought that I would be a person who joyfully signs withdrawal papers, but apparently I make exceptions. EN leaving was still melancholy. I don't know what will happen with him, I hope that one day he will be able to forgive his mother, understand what his father is and build a life on his intelligence and charisma. At this point that is all that I can give him. Sometimes, I feel like that's all I can do for my students, merely hope for the best. Teaching can be rewarding--whenever I see my students finally understand a concept--but I have found a great portion of it to be unsatisfying. There is nothing tangible at the end of a days work. I can hold a collection of worksheets, but in the end what do those really represent? Oh! to be a surgeon or carpenter or engineer.
If pressed I would say that progress is being made. Since EN left AS has decided to mellow out, mildly, but all the same he is trying. I just wish that I could do more for these kids. Unapologetically, I realize I am writing in circles. If nothing else I am discovering my present limits in my ability which, of course, drives me nuts to have to tell myself that I can't accomplish something. I'll show me?
I think this season of my life is all about learning my person limitations and not getting frustrated by what I can't do, but finding what I can do. What is it that God has for me, truly? Let me know if you've found a shortcut to that answer.
Oh, yeah. Happy Valentine's Day.